Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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