I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
