the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
