i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
