Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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