TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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