I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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