yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
