just tell him i said nine months
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
