i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
