ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
