Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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