Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
