Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
