Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.