Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.