So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.