Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze