A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.