I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
