I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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