My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize