these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
