i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you traded sex for a burrito?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
