you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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