i wish there were pregnant emoticons
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
