This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
