He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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