this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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