Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
