Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
