You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
