Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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