I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
