I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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