I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
