Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
