left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
