I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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