I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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