My pussy is not your playground.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
