Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
