I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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