I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
