You're my little dorito
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
