I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
