I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
