Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
