babies were throwing up all over the place
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
