You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
