All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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