After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
