Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
