the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You took a bar mat shot.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
