strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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