We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
