i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
operation harelip BJ is a go
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
