fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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