he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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