I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
