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We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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