I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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