i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
