Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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