I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm always down for nudity.
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