He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
