you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
