well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
