Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
