when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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