Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i think i just lost a toe
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
