On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
