She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
