he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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