So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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