Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
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drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
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Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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