Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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