Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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