So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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