Only a mothe r could love this liver
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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