the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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