I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
