All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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