apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
