wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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