I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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