She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
