I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
