I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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